Much Ado About To-Do Lists

For decades now, I’ve been chasing my own personal Holy Grail: the ultimate time-and-stress-management-tool, a perfectly constructed and prioritized To-do list. I was convinced that if I could just learn to create beautifully balanced lists, carefully weighing each factor, considering all the possible ramifications of each decision, I would find that optimal formula that would make my life magically manageable. It was a beautiful dream, but I’ve come to realize I’ve been chasing rainbows all these years. The To-do list at its best is an illusion, a will-o-the-wisp, an exercise in serious crazy-making. And this is why:

1. 

   Not warm and fuzzy.

   To-do lists are not warm and fuzzy. Getting to cross something off the list is pretty much all the reward you’re going to get for completing a task no matter how onerous. You’re not going to get a hug or a pat on the back or even a simple “Atta girl” from your list. It doesn’t care. It’s just an idea with an agenda, a mirage, a deceiver. It’s only reason for existence is to make you feel inadequate.

2. To-do lists are big and scary. I’m often so overwhelmed by the collective enormity of tasks I am responsible for, that I will spend my whole day purposely doing something that’s not on the list just to relieve list-induced stress. But you can’t escape the list once you’ve created it. It will hide in closets and under your bed, haunt your dreams, invade your every waking thought, crawl out of the TV at you like the creepy dead girl in The Ring until you finally give in and do something on the list. You hear that phone ringing? Don’t answer it. Just do the list.
3. To-do lists are not fair. In my mind, I don’t get proper credit for completing a task, if it wasn’t on the list. It doesn’t matter that I finally cleaned the garage, if I didn’t write in on the list first and check it off after, I am not allowed to feel satisfied. (I didn’t make the rules. I just follow them. Remember the list is not your friend.)
4. To-do lists are organic. They grow. They’re like kudzu of the brain. Kudzu in the deep South in the summer where the mad green creeper sucks what it needs right out of the daylight and heat and air, materializes up to 13 inches of new healthy vine an hour, and turns trees and abandoned buildings into big green haunts overnight. Try and hack that back and see if you don’t feel like a crazy woman with a machete fighting a losing battle. Point is, do-lists never die and I will never be done with mine. No matter what I do, by the time I am done, my list will grow more tasks.
5. To-do lists spawn. Like frogs in a pond. One day the water’s clear and the next, there’s a swarm of little polliwogs already trying to sprout limbs. No matter how I’ve tried, there’s just no way that I can find to prioritize everything with just one list or even two lists. Lists proliferate and pretty soon you have a half dozen lists based on category or urgency. Perhaps this is because I am internally conflicted about the real purpose of my list(s). Is it to remember and prioritize tasks or to satisfy some compulsive need I have to create the illusion of order and control in my life? I suspect the latter and should probably give up do-listing immediately for the sake of my emotional and mental health.

So now that I know the dirty little secrets of To-do listing I should give it up. I know it will eat my time and devour my peace of mind. I should let it go. Free myself from the tyranny of prioritized task itemization. Let go of my yen for control and order. Life is chaotic and I am a feather in the wind. Unfortunately, I’m still a feather with a lot to do.