Let’s Talk about Sex: 10 Common Misconceptions about Gay People, part 4

Three months ago, a very small percentage of the registered voters in North Carolina managed to pass an amendment to the state constitution that illegalized gay marriage. In the weeks leading up to the vote, I started a series of posts about some of the more common and frustrating myths about gay people. I got discouraged for a while and didn’t finish but I just got my second wind.

For those of you who missed the first 5 myths, here’s a quick recap:

1 – Being gay is a choice. Because somewhere between 2 and 10% of the general population so love being social pariahs, we’ve chosen to become lifelong targets of bigotry and hate.

2 – Lesbians want to be men. There are some people who are so enamored of their own exterior plumbing that they, and their followers, seem to believe that there are just 2 kinds of people in the world – men and the rest of us who are just sad that we don’t have a penis, too.

3 – Lesbians hate men. The rationale seems to go like this: Some women are so upset about not having a penis that they become angered with all men and sleep with women to spite the men. Or something like that. Bottom line is, women couldn’t possibly love other women. It must have something to do with the penis. (For the long version of the first 3 myths, see part 1 of this series, I Used to Be a Tomboy)

4 – Being gay is a mental illness. In spite the fact that the American Psychiatric Association defines homosexuality as a normal variant of human sexual behavior, there are a lot of people out there who just “know” that gay people are sick, just like they “know” the earth was created 6,000 years ago and all the fossils in the world are just an elaborate hoax and proof of a vast conspiracy against God-fearing, extremist Christians. (For the long version, see part 2, Who’s a Heretic?)

5- The Bible says that being gay is morally wrong or evil. To borrow a line from Shakespeare, “The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose,” and it would appear that he does, every day, from the pulpits and altars of churches all over our country. (See part 3, The Bible Tells Me So)

So moving on. Here’s another of my favorite myths to hate:

6- Being gay is just about sex. Now doesn’t this seem a teensy bit like the pot calling the kettle black?One of the best ways to undermine an opponent, apart from demonizing them, is to minimize them, as this little myth tries to do. It separates sexuality and romantic, spiritual love. But only for gay people.

So when the subject is heterosexuality, sex and love are two sides of the same coin. And the fact that so many of straight people spend their single youth doing it like randy bunnies with anyone who will get into bed with them, that breaking faith with one’s wife or husband just to have sex with someone new is commonplace in our heterosexual culture, or that the huge pornography industry was built mostly on the desires of straight men – none of this refutes that notion that heterosexual sex is all about choosing and remaining dedicated to a spiritual soulmate? But being gay is just about sex. Gotcha.

7- Gay people are promiscuous. Yes we are. As a generalization, I accept this one. Now that I’ve just pissed off some of my fellow lesbians out there, let me explain why:  Because people in general are promiscuous. I know it. You know it. We all know it.

Really, Ted?! You’re talking to your children!

That’s why popular American culture is steeped in sex. That’s why these TV shows like Friends, Sex in the City, and Two and a Half Men were so popular. There’s even a popular show with the unabashed premise that the main character is telling his future children about the sexual exploits of he and his friends as a necessary preface to the story of how he fell in love with their mother. I’m not judging here. I loved Friends and I like How I Met Your Mother. (Well, except for that telling it to the kids part.)

But these shows aren’t really about friendship or love or family or the complexities of modern living. They’re about sex. (And call me a prude, but I can’t believe what they can say on prime time TV now.) Whatever else happens in each episode, sex is the tent pole that holds these shows up. (Who thinks that’s a phallic reference?) Without the pretty people having sex or talking about sex, the whole thing collapses.

Got to admit I love the irony of an actor who is gay and a committed family man playing a straight man whore.

My point is, human beings (especially young ones) are obsessed with sex. Our lives revolve around it. Except for maybe food, it seems to be the single most motivating force in our lives. And that makes sense. Nature designed it that way so we wouldn’t die off. But let’s get real here. Gay people are not any more (or less) promiscuous than straight people. We just prefer different partners.

A note for the romantics:  This generalized view of human promiscuity does not call attention to the inevitable exceptions. They’re called women. Okay, feminists, that was a joke. Kind of. I’m not trying to minimize the female libido. I’m sure there are plenty of randy women out there, too.

But there are still those of us who prefer the romantic notion that sex is just a part of the whole love thing. I am one of those. I was never promiscuous, am completely convinced that I’ve spent the last 12 years with my soulmate (a woman with whom I share much more than a sex life), and have no desire to sleep with anyone other than her for the rest of my life.

Who’s a Heretic? 10 Common Misconceptions about Gay People, Part 2

My partner and I are very fortunate to have loving, supportive families and friends. But there are a lot of people out there who have some pretty outlandish ideas about who we are based solely on the fact that we are gay. So I thought I would try to clear some of these up. Here’s part two of my list of just a few of the myths and misapprehensions about gay people.

4- Being gay is a mental illness.– Almost 500 years ago, in 1543 (the year of his death), Nicolaus Copernicus did something no one had ever done before.

Picture of a small orrery
Picture of a small orrery – a mechanical device
 that shows the workings of a solar system based
 on a heliocentric model (via Wikipedia)
 

He presented the world with an astronomical model which placed the sun, not the earth as commonly believed, at the center of the universe. Heliocentrism was not a new idea but no one before had come up with a mathematical model that worked – that actually predicted the motions of the planets in the night sky. Copernicus’ did. Mostly.

There was one missing piece which Johannes Kepler provided the following century when he figured out the elliptical nature of the planet’s orbits and expanded on the Copernican model. Kepler’s contemporary, Galileo, now known as the “father of observational astronomy,” championed the improved Copernican model. As a result, in 1633, the Roman Inquisition put him on trial for heresy, forced him to recant his views, and placed him under house arrest for the rest of his life.

Uncensored versions of Copernicus’s De Revolutionibus orbium coelestium and Galileo’s Dialogue Concerning the Two Chief World Systems remained on the church’s Index of Forbidden Books until 1835. For 200 years, the immensely powerful church devoted its resources to preventing people from learning the truth. It wasn’t until 2000, almost 400 years after the trial of Galileo that the Church admitted any wrong-doing when Pope John Paul II issued a kind of general apology for all the wrongs of the church over its 2,000- year existence including Galileo’s persecution.

Like the Catholic Church, some people just don’t like to admit when they’re wrong even in the face of overwhelming evidence. And that’s why I think that this misguided notion that being gay is a mental illness is still out there, even though it has no basis in reality. Fortunately, the kind of control the Catholic Church had over information during the Renaissance is now impossible, because now we have the internet. Anywhere people can get to a computer with internet access, they can swim oceans of digitized information. In the U.S., even if you can’t afford a computer, anyone can go to a public library and get online. And you can read things like the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) of the American Psychiatric Association (APA).

The APA removed homosexuality from the DSM almost 40 years ago in 1973. One disorder that remains in the DSM is the source of some confusion. Gender Identity disorder (GID) is a diagnosis used to describe people who are discontent with their biological gender and/or the gender they were assigned at birth.

I believe the feelings transgendered individuals experience are legitimate and that they should have the right to live as they please and do with their bodies as they see fit, but this is a separate issue from homosexuality. Being gay has nothing to do with wanting to change your gender. As I wrote in part one, I am a lesbian because I love women, not because I want to be a man.

via zazzle.com

The stance of the APA today is that homosexuality is a normal variant of sexual behavior. If you go to the APA’s website, you can read this: “Lesbian, gay, and bisexual orientations are not disorders. Research has found no inherent association between any of these sexual orientations and psychopathology. Both heterosexual behavior and homosexual behavior are normal aspects of human sexuality.” Yes, you read that correctly. It said “normal.” The APA also asserts to need to remove “the stigma of mental illness that has long been associated with lesbian, gay, and bisexual orientations.”

Stay tuned for part 3 of “10 Common Lies Misconceptions about Gay People

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