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  1. Great victory, Fork. Seriously. My mother-in-law insisted when my husband and I first married that I have credit in my name, not just his. Smart lady. It was especially helpful when I was a stay-at-home mom.

    And sometimes everybody needs to be a squeeky wheel. You chose your time well.

    • Your mother-in-law was smart. I did have one credit card in my name when we first got together, but since our budget was so tight (and the interest on the card was so high), I ended up canceling it because I wasn’t very good at resisting the impulse to use it.

      And I am sometimes very good at being squeaky. Thanks, Elyse.

  2. Paul J. Stam

     /  August 15, 2012

    Great story! I love it.

  3. THIS is a story I know ALL TOO WELL! Crazy isn’t it? That we might want the right to marry? The right to legally exist? I stopped teaching so we could move to Vietnam in 2009 and haven’t worked since– in the official sense, that is.

    Truly, brilliant post! Thank you, Tori!


  4. to fork from umbrella: great post!

  5. Catherine

     /  August 16, 2012

    I got chills on my arms, tears in my eyes, chuckles from time to time, and a deep feeling inside. Thanks for sharing.

    • Thanks for the kind words, Catherine. I write these things mostly to vent, post them with the small hope that sharing experiences helps tear down walls between us, and it’s so nice to receive such warmth and empathy in return

  6. Wow, I can’t believe that they wouldn’t put your name on the account. I think now any two people can have joint accounts, whether married, living together, related or just acquaintances. At least here, anyway. The bank just adds the two signees, and doesn’t care why.

    • That’s a good point. I should have mentioned that her bank is a the credit union for state employees (she got an account when she was still married) and has some rules that other banks don’t.

  7. That was awesome fun! (…Still laughing)

    • I can see my spouse squirming uncomfortably when he knows I’m getting ready to go to battle on an issue, too. It’s pretty rare, but well deserved. 🙂 & He still loves me after 35 years.

  8. Sometimes you just have to go all righteous on people, don’t you? My partner does it too occasionally, if someone pushes her too far, and it’s a sight to see, but she doesn’t admit to it. Congrats on 35 years together! B and I have been together 13 now. Sometimes it’s a lot of work, but I always feel incredibly fortunate, especially when I see so many friends and family members splitting up.

  9. Wow, I didn’t realize that even paying for stuff can be hard if you’re gay. Such battles all the time!

  10. Stacie Chadwick

     /  August 16, 2012

    Beautifully written post. I hear what I think is your true voice when you write because you keep it real. =)

  11. You have articulated how I feel sometimes. My husband takes care of all bills and everything legal, so even though we do have a joint account, I’m utterly clueless 😐 Wouldn’t know how to survive without him! Which of course is a cause for much alarm, and I need to get on his case to teach me how to do things, which sucks cos I hate banks and legal things.

  12. hello, FIME… i like how you narrated this phase, when you were not existent, so to speak. i guess, am glad that you’re finally able to put the episodes in words. even gladder that you have your own cards and IDs now… 🙂 regards and cheers!

  13. Sigh… I just don’t understand how this country can be so ignorant. But a truly wonderful story (and one that needs to be shared — with humor, as you do)!

    • Thanks, Fey. I was mostly irritated that day because I had tried to access our account online and couldn’t get in. Sometimes it will ask you a “security” question before it will let you in as a precaution against hackers. You know the kind: What’s your favorite color? What elementary school did you go to? That kind of thing. But B answered all the security questions. Once I got locked out of the account because I didn’t know what her first car was. (Her great aunt’s Impala. I asked her later.) This time it locked me out because it said I entered the wrong birth place for her. But I didn’t! I even checked with her to be sure. Then I called to talk to a real person and was told that I couldn’t reset the security questions, that B would have to do that (and she was at work). So I still couldn’t get into “our” account. And that’s when I wrote this little essay. (Writing keeps me from totally popping my cork when things like this happen. I tend to get hot under the collar about little stuff.)

  14. 2Spools

     /  March 18, 2013

    Good for you. Good on writing it too. Much appreciated.

  1. Taking the time to thank these lovely people « 35andupcynicismonhold

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